Reflections

I came across an entry this week in my ‘confidence journal’ that I wrote this same week in 2020.

Here’s what it said:

“I know a lot more than other people. I’ve put a lot of hard work into this. I can’t be expected to know/remember everything. It isn’t the interview yet. I have time to revise. The worst that can happen is they say no— then I’ll take their feedback and try again. CV is up to scratch. I want it!! You can do anything you set your mind to. I totally, completely, 100% got this”.

There was also a confidence boosting quote on the opposite page, which seemed so apt, and remains one of my faves.

“Opportunities are rarely offered; they’re seized.”

Sheryl Sandberg

Thinking back to this time last year, I think it must have been when I’d heard that there was (finally!) going to be a BA job going live that I could apply for. It was finally my chance, after months and months of waiting.

I remember spending the weekend trying to get my BA portfolio up to scratch and starting to fret that I wouldn’t be good enough. (this continued right up until the actual interview a couple of weeks later, having a breakdown the night before whilst going through my task!) Comparing myself to the other BA’s and doubting what I knew. I was so nervous but excited — my goal was in sight!

Finding this entry this week has been nice to realise how far I’ve come. I did get the job! And received amazing feedback, to the point where I joined the team not as a junior but as a fully fledged BA! All of the hard work had paid off, and even now when I’m doubting how much I know when I consider what I knew back then, I can see that actually I’ve learnt loads.

9 months on, I still have totally, completely, 100% got this (no matter what those little voices in my head continue to say!).